Why
is it that if we believe perfect love cast out fear so many of us still
struggle with fear? For those of you who
know me and know a little of my story my issues with fear go way back. (Read more here)
I
am currently reading “Make it Happen” by Lara Casey, while
reading the conversations with my head and heart begin. Maybe you have had similar conversations
yourself. You know the kind where your
“head” argues with your “heart”. My head
knows the facts, the promises of God’s unfailing love and Word, and my heart
knows the truth of my calloused heart.
My head tries to convince my heart she is truly free of fear while my heart
aches and quietly whispers, “But she is not, she is not free.” Fact and Truth soar with rising heights of
tension.
Heated,
I believe would be an understatement for this in-particular debate. Clashing. Resounding. Arguments from both my
heart and head collide. I sit quietly,
in the silence and all I can hear is the screeching, as I demand they both, “BE
STILL.” Yes, “Be Still, quiet both of
you.”
Fact
is yes I struggle with fear. Truth is I
am set free from free. Perfect love cast
out fear. However, I have come to
realize if I am not in control, with my planning, thinking, then I am not really
free from fear. Here lies the inward
truth, with this entire inward struggle and turmoil it comes down to me
controlling my future. I don’t
trust. If I can think, plan, insure
everything goes smoothly then I do not struggle with fear, I know the outcome,
because I have already thought through every slightest of details. BUT when I do not know the plan, the thoughts
in regards to my future, I FREAK. I
FEAR.
I
have dreams, dreams I believe are from the heart of God, concerning my
life. But I also feel the need to do A,
B, C…. to make sure it comes to pass. If
I don’t do this, then “this plan, this dream, this calling, this purpose” will
not happen, because I have to make it happen. While I fully believe there are steps we need to take, I am speaking of my ways, my steps and not walking in His ways and steps. I have been coming up with my own way and plan to try and make sure His plan comes to pass.
Are
you ready to hear my ugly truth?
I
don’t trust that He is God and He is Big enough to make His plan for my life
come to pass. I feel like He desperately
needs my help and assistance. I have been
cleverly taking on His role. Instead of
letting go of control and holding to His hand I have been driving myself crazy
exhausted trying to figure out with my planning, and thinking how am I going to
make this happen.
I
am finally coming to a place where I am letting go of all the plans I had for
my life in order to insure His plan would come to pass and I am leaning in close
not unto my own understanding, BUT acknowledging Him and trusting He is and
will continue to direct my path. And all
those dreams and desires I am trusting they are His and He is able to do
exceedingly, more than I can ever ask dream or imagine.
I have
resolved to believe the impossible is possible for my life; He has plans to
prosper me and not harm me or leave me broken and disappointed. I resolve to live with zeal and not be jealous
or anxious for anything. I have decided
to live by faith and not act out of fear and try to control the outcome of my
life. I am complete in Christ, and He
loves me and wants to give me good gifts, He is not a God of lack. There is more than enough of Him to go
around. I will humble myself under His
hand and trust that He will lift me up in His time! Acting in fear will only suffocate and eventually kill my faith. Oh but actively walking in Faith will suffocate and eventually kill my fear.
What
about you, do you fear your dreams will not come to pass unless you make it
happen with plans that will possibly lead you further away from your dream?
