There is salvation in no one else!  God has given no other name under heaven 

by which we must be saved.

Acts 4:12

Some days my heart yearns for change.  

Now you may not be like me, you may love same.  I do like routine but I don’t like when routines  become chains in my life holding me captive to unrealistic expectations.  I even changed up my font and format of my blog post.  I just needed change.  I am antsy in my flesh, and spirit.  I want to change but I can't.  I want to change more than just routine, fonts, and thoughts, I want serious life change.  I want to I know there is more, really more. That is why I am devouring today’s verse of the day.  There is nothing in and of myself that can save me.  There is nothing and no one who can change me.  There is nothing and no one who can satisfy the longing in my heart to know Him, and make him known.

 

“NO OTHER NAME.”

No name in my contact list, no make of “who we know”, no connections via various social media platforms that can save us, no pastor, political figure, human resource personnel, spouse, friend, NO ONE other than JESUS himself.  I know this may sound so elementary but how often do we scroll through to see who we can call, private message, email, ask to see if they have a “connection” in order to save us from our said problems, or even lighten our stressed and burdened soul.  This verse is like fresh air to my infected lungs.  I am guilty of trusting in and calling on others before the Lord. 

My name yields no power and very little influence but HIS name, has authority, his name is above all names.  His spirit lives inside of me and His spirit yields power.  He has the power to save.  I cannot work hard enough, network with enough people, serve enough, and keep myself busy enough to save myself from me or anyone else for that matter.  I need saving everyday.  I need saving grace to flood my life.  I need his love to wash over me, drenching every last ounce of this mortal heart.  I need salvation and grace to be a safety device in deep waters of worry.  

I am and will forever be in need of Christ.

Father, save me from myself.  From my fear, insecurity, and doubt.  I believe but help my unbelief.  Thank you for only asking small of me, like a tiny mustard seed small of me.  Some days it feels like that is all I have is a seed, but you use even the smallest of faith to do miraculous things.  Rescue me from my vein and selfish ambitions and give me Kingdom ambitions.  Let everything I do or even think of doing be all for THE ONE _ Christ and His kingdom and for THAT one.  The lost one, the one you left heaven for.  You came to seek and save that which was lost.  May my heart mesh so tightly with yours this becomes my everyday mission so that all I do is find ways, creative ways, to find, seek, and bring the Salvation of the Lord to those who are lost.  Inn Jesus name grow your kingdom through the work of my hands, the warmth of my smile, and the strength of my embrace.

Amen

Earlier this week my heart burned with green ency.  I wrote about my struggle with jealousy.  After writing the piece I received so much encouragement.  I have to admit that it felt good to know that I was not alone in my struggle, but the only thing that relieved my burden was when I wandered into his presence.

It is only in his presence that my heart is healed, my soul is restored, and I can lie in green pasture and see growth all around me.  I am so thankful he is the author and finisher of my faith.  I can see growth all around me when I set my eyes on the creator and not myself and others.

My heart yearns for Him in a dry and weary land.  I am eager to continue growing.  I know I have not arrived into the full scope of who I am called to be, but I am learning I do have something to offer.  Growth takes time.  Those green blades blowing in the wind of His spirit offer my eyes a visual insight of my heart. 

The enemy would like weeds to fill my heart and choke out His work, but I call on him and drink deep of his love and rest in his green, green, pastures of growth and health.  I am growing, I am strong, and I am green with health not envy. Every step of the way he is there, guiding me and leading me into his plan for my life. 

Father, thank you for offering me forgiveness instead of judgment.  Thank you for removing envy and replacing the emptiness with growth and love for you.  Thank for mercy.  Thank you for revealing weeds and uprooting them with strength and power.  I know you are not finish with me and that I do have a lot to offer.  That growth takes time, and so does honing gifts and talents.  I look forward to all that you are going to do in me. 

“Hurry mom! I don’t want to be late.” 

Excitement and worry filled the air.  This was the day he had dreamt of for weeks.  Rumors spread like wildfire, and this was his chance to see, really see for himself.  Eagerly he packed his bag and rushed out the door.  Forgetting all about the breadbasket, filled with two fish and five barley loaves, his mothered chased after him.  

“You almost forgot your lunch.  Now make sure you remember to give thanks, sit quietly, and listen with all your heart.  I want to know everything this Messiah has to say.”  

Moist lips pressed against his dusty cheeks and left an imprint of her love. 

“I hope I packed enough.  I hope he doesn’t get lost.  I hope this Messiah is the Christ.”  She held her breath and watched as her only son drifted out of sight.  Exhausted from a laborious morning she hurried back in side.  Feelings of insignificance filled her heart, as she began cleaning the clay pots.  Wiping sweat from her brow she bent low and whispered a prayer.

“Lord, our people are in need of a savior.  We have heard prophecies for years now, of a coming King, one who will save us.  If we have found favor in your sight would you come and make known to us this Christ, our fathers have told us of?  Please protect my oldest has he leaves to search out the mysteries he’s heard of.  Open his ears so he may hear truth, and his heart to receive grace from the heavens.  May his eyes behold the Anointed One, chasing doubt out of his heart.  Please, oh please send provision for our house, I didn’t want to tell him that was our last bit of barley and fish for fear he would not go.  If he’d known he would’ve gone out to fish instead of seeking out truth.  I’m trusting you today committing my house, son, and all I have into your hands.”

Are you there yet?  I can see the scene playing out in my head.  I can only imagine this mom is weary, fearful, and tired.  Perhaps you are the same as this mother.  Exhausted, clinging to a whisper, holding tightly to a promise you are not sure will come to pass as you hold your breath and say a prayer.  You work day and night feverishly without complaint and wonder, “will it be enough?  Does it even really matter, no one even see me or know how hard I work.” 

The sweltering sun was dropping quickly and still no sign of her son.  Dusk clothed the sky with gray blankets of clouds, and worry began to fill her heart.  “I knew I shouldn’t have let him go alone.” 

Rubbing dirt from her eyes, tears filled her eyelids.  Bewilderment flooded her heart as she hurried out the door.  Dust trailed behind her as she approached what looked like twelve men carrying large baskets.  Dropping his breadbasket, her son sprinted to her, shouting, “He’s real, he’s real, he’s real!” 

Confused, excited, relieved and filled from head to toe with wonder she welcomed the men into her home.  Their voices heightened, each trying to talk over the other, and laughter filled the air as they told of the miracle which had taken place, all because she packed her son a lunch.

I know you are tired.  I know you are full of doubt.  I know you contemplate whether or not your menial task mean anything at all.  I know for sure I struggle with these same emotions.  But I will never forget the day Holy Spirit revealed to my weary heart the star role of this story.  I had been asking these same questions, with tears in my eyes when he showed me this story.  I have heard this story hundreds of times, listened intently to sermons chalk full of insight, but I had never given any thought to the hidden character, the mom. 

See mom I know you feel forgotten, I know you feel left out at times, I know you feel like nothing you do (laundry, prepping lunches, mopping, filing files at the office, offering taxi services to friends, staying up late working on projects, and deadlines) really matters, or that you even matter.  BUT she mattered.  She prepared a small lunch for her son that day and sent him on his way to find truth.  Believing and begging he’d find truth for himself and her. 

Preparing a lunch is as important as preaching a sermon, writing a book, leading volunteers, traveling the world, and countless other prestigious things you can think of.  She prepared the provision for a miracle that morning.  Now I don’t know for sure they brought all of the leftovers back to her home, just like I don’t know for sure she sent her son with the last little bit they had, but I do know no matter how small the sacrifice or large he will multiply it to meet your needs.  I’d like to believe they did bring the leftovers to her home that evening.  Because wouldn’t that be just like Jesus to return back to her a hundred fold of what she had sown? 

Maybe you have a story of miraculous provision in your life I’d love to hear it, would you share with me a day He turned your small offering into a great story of how he can use anything to feed starving souls.  

Perhaps you have a story of errand running ending up in a day of salvation for a hungry soul, or how filing charts at the dentist office gave way to sharing gospel with a stranger.  I’d love to hear how he used your “fish and bread” to feed someone. 

Praise the Lord it is worship Wednesday!  If you are anything like me and nothing at all like me, we together are in a perfect place to pause and give grace.  Grace to each other, grace to ourselves, grace to our children, and even yes I am going there…. grace to our in-laws, neighbors, strangers hidden and woven into the tapestry of our days. 

I am standing in deep grace today, you thought I was going to say something else didn't  you?  Just kidding.  It is true that I am waist deep in laundry (I am convinced this will never change), dishes, and various other things but the one thing I most deep in like over my head is GRACE.

I am worshiping the One, over here, who has given me abundant grace.  Feelings of inadequacy flood my soul.  Yet I hear him whisper, “did you forget to give yourself grace?”. Can you breathe in with me and release disappointment?

Sometimes I just want to do away with me and be someone else.

BUT the One full of grace wants me to come away with him so He can show me somebody else.  He wants to reveal to me the inner workings of myself.  The frailties and gift me with grace to be more like Him.  He wants to show me Holy Spirit living, breathing, and invading every cell of my being. 

Would you stop wherever you are and pray this simple prayer?  Open handed, and with vocal chords vibrating say this aloud. 

Father I let go.  I let go of my disappointments, and I choose to breathe you in.  Breathe in all your grace, in all your glory, in all your goodness.  If my weakness is a canvas for you to paint your masterpiece of grace upon then I give you me in all my mess.  Wisk me away and show me my frailties, help me to realize they are gifts and not penalties.  They bring glory to you by giving way to opportunities for you to shine through me.  Thank you for grace, and than you for teaching me the beauty in giving grace to others.  Grace strips away comparison and smothers envy breaks every ounce of jealousy and brings miraculous healing to the body of Christ.  You were broken for our transgression every single one them, bruised for our iniquity, and beaten for our healing.  Thank you for grace. 

Amen.

It is hard to believe a year has passed since I received “that” call.  Maybe you received “that” call just today, yesterday, last week, or six years ago.  You know the kind of call that knocks the wind out of your lungs. Doesn’t matter if you’re expecting it or not, nothing can prepare you for the tightening of lungs.

Torrential tears down poured from my face.  Time is fleeting. In my young naivenes I don’t think I truly realized just how quickly time rolls away.  Fleeting.  Just like, “the blink of an eye” they would say.  “Here today, gone tomorrow”.  None of this meant anything to the depths of my core until after I had children.  I have slowly started understanding the value of time and just how fast it goes.  So hard to believe my littles are almost four and two.   

The day I got that call it was as though my heart began to hemorrhage.  I couldn’t stop the bleeding.  The finality of knowing I’d never see her face, hear her voice, touch her skin, smell her sweet scent, or watch her feeble hands crochet was unbearable. 

I wondered what it would be like from here on out.  It has been much of the same just without her smile.  Funny thing is I smile more now when I think about her than when she was with us during her last few months.  Just thinking of her precious life makes me smile even on the worst days.  This may sound lopsided loopy I know that I smile more now that she is in heaven then when she was on earth, but it is true.  I smile knowing she lived full, and she lives full now in His presence. Now re-united with her love, and children who went before her she is fully there.  She wasn’t fully all here even though she was here.  Her tired mind had faded.  Memories were lost.  Even though she couldn’t remember a lot, and had forgotten most of her life, she never forgot to love.

Even while she suffered the loss of her sweet mind she never lost her ability to love and smile.  I pray I too never loose my ability to smile or love.  I will loose a lot of things in this life, but I never want to loose my ability to smile or love.