Hope Anchors: insecurity

I'm jealous of a person I've never met and I hate it.

7:17 PM

Mirror, Mirror on The Wall

7:39 PM

I don't know about you but when I used to look in the mirror, I hated what I saw. All I saw was a very hurt, ugly, awkward, insecure, and lonely girl. None of these things are true today, nor were they true then. The only difference now is that I have learned to view myself through the Word of God.

I can remember how I use to tell myself. “You’re not good enough”, “You’re not pretty, or small”, “You’ll NEVER get a boyfriend”, “No one will EVER love you”, and the negative degrading thoughts would continue. I was trapped in an unending cycle of self-abuse. That’s right, I said it, Self-abuse. While there are many abused in this world by others (of which I was one.) there are also those who can find no escape from abuse, because they are the one’s abusing themselves.

Self-abuse is not talked about all that much or at least it wasn’t when I was growing up. I didn’t realize I was abusing myself and that it was deeply rooted in insecurities from childhood. I would look in the mirror desperately wanting to see something different and each time I’d walk away heartbroken the same way I was before I looked in the mirror. I hated taking pictures, disliked school, and wondered why me?

Maybe you have or are struggling with the same feelings in your life. Again, I don’t remember having this HUGE ephony or immediate deliverance from this self-destruction, but my deliverance came more in a form of a slow and steady process. I find that much of my redemption testimonies are from a consistent walk with a kind and loving Savior.

Each glance in the mirror, would only solidify what I was feeling because it reflect the core of who I was. “As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart.” (Proverbs 27:19) See the problem was not what I saw in the mirror the problem was what my heart reflected. My life was a direct reflection of my heart.

My heart had not yet been healed. My life did not fully reflect the beauty of Christ’s love that had been poured out over my life. You and I play a crucial role in this story of redemption. We have a part in the play that is being narrated by our great KING.

I had to learn how to renew my mind in Christ. I had to learn how to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. I had to learn His Word and TRUTH. I had to ABIDE in HIM. I had to allow Him the right to SAY SO in my life. What HE said went. I slowly began to see change in my demeanor and smile. Life was being breathed into my inmost being. The power of life and death is our very tongues. This ability is not just what we speak about and to others but to ourselves. You are to love your neighbor as yourself.

“Death and destruction are NEVER satisfied, and neither are human eyes.” (Proverbs 27:20) I would be lying to you if I told you that I had utterly conquered and crushed this area of insecurity and self-abuse in my life. I want you to know that I, am no different from you. I still struggle with this area as a married woman, and mom of two precious boys. This is because the Bible says that death and destruction are NEVER satisfied and neither are human EYES. Thoughts will creep in BUT, Aren’t you thankful for the “buts”?! BUT “If you hold tight to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. (John 8:31-32)

Hold tight my sweet friends, He will set you free. And he will soon crush the enemy under your feet. (Romans 16:20) Every time you walk, and speak life and faith you crush fear and insecurity! Self hatred cannot exist in your life, to hate yourself is to hate your creator! You are created in the image of the MOST HIGH GOD! You are fearfully and wonderfully made! (Psalm 139) Every good and perfect gift is from Him. You are GOOD, YOU are PERFECTLY hand crafted, and You are a GIFT!!!