FRAGILE Handle with Care: Part 1
12:24 PM
Sometimes you just don’t’ have time to unpack them all. Staying buried in bubble wrap, lost in dust
and shadows, we forget about the contents carefully packed away. Hidden in attics,
garages, or closets out of sight, life moves on, we no longer remember them
until yard-sale day or the next move.
Forgotten. Broken.
Pieces.
My heart like a fragile piece of china was hidden in layers
of bubble wrap, also known as un-forgiveness.
I had carefully wrapped my heart in un-forgiveness, packed it in a box,
securely taped the box shut and said a prayer. Hoping this way of care, un-forgiveness,
would protect me from breaking as I transitioned through several moves.
Years went by and my heart remained covered in
un-forgiveness. Packed away and hidden. I would not forgive, I would never let go, I
would remain angry, refusing to feel pain, I would not trust, I would not allow
anyone to hurt me again. IF I didn’t
feel then I didn’t hurt.
I didn’t want to forgive. Forgiving meant feeling.
I didn’t want to feel pain from years past nor the
sting of healing.
I had decided my heart was fragile and was much more safe in
a box of resentment covered in bubble wrap of un-forgiveness than on display
where others could carelessly hurt me, break me, use me, leave me covered in
dust, and pass me by as if I had no value at all.
When HE found me, I had been through many moves. I had moved through loss, depression,
insecurity, hopelessness, despair, countless heartaches, fear, loneliness, and
anxiety. While protecting myself by
wrapping my heart in un-forgiveness and holding tightly to anger, I had not
survived any of the moves without shattering into pieces. I had not been handled with care.
Un-forgiveness had not protected me from becoming
broken.
Desperately, never wanting to hurt I held onto
un-forgiveness as a shield, anger as a defense weapon in order to protect
myself. I had failed. This way of care hadn’t shielded me at
all. Instead this way of care,
suffocated the life out of my heart.
I was broken, damaged, and lifeless. Cushioned by un-forgiveness I didn’t know I
was broken. As He carefully unwrapped my
heart there it was broken into a thousand pieces. There was no hiding. He gently picked every piece of my heart
up. Every tiny slither every piece
mattered.
Removing the un-forgiveness that once wrapped the pieces of
my broken heart, He gently placed every shard of brokenness in a box
handcrafted. This box made of love and forgiveness was different than that of
the past. This box, this move, was
completely different. My heart however
was still broken.
.
10 comments
This is a great story. It is interesting how we think we are protecting ourselves by holding on to our un-forgiveness, when in reality it is just festering inside of us. I have struggled with forgiving a person in my life and I finally let go of my hurt and am starting to rebuild the relationship. It is hard, but worth it and it is so much easier to start moving forward since I finally let go.
ReplyDeleteThank you, yes forgiveness is the key to moving forward. I know for me it is a daily choice. Somedays are harder than others for sure but He is so faithful.
DeleteBeautiful. I was captivated while I was reading this. I can totally relate! I, too, protected myself in a box of unforgiveness many times until I realized that Jesus sets the example of what forgiveness truly is. There was so much freedom when I let go, moved to another box and allowed God to repair my heart. It's a journey! Praying that you will allow God to continue to build you back piece by piece! He loves you so much.
ReplyDeleteBlessings-
Christine Leeb
www.christineleeb.blogspot.com
Thank you, I am experiencing great freedom in sharing my journey to forgiveness and letting go so I can hold to His hand. We are truly overcomer by the Word of our testimony (which is really HIs Word at work in us) and the Blood of the Lamb. Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe, sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow! :)
DeleteI think we all do this with the broken parts of ourselves. At least I know I have. Yet God loves us despite our brokenness. And that is enough!
ReplyDeleteAMEN! I am amazed at how He loves us.
DeleteI look forward to hearing what happens next. I know that the Lord is very good at mending broken hearts and leading us to forgive as we have been forgiven.
ReplyDeleteYes, I have been studying Luke 11 and writing on prayer and got to the forgive as you have been forgiven part and little did I know He was going to lead me back to some places of brokeness He healed so that I could share what power lies in forgiving!
DeleteThank you sweet friend for sharing your journey and the valuable lessons Jesus is teaching you!
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking time to read and encourage me with your love and support! I love you sweet friend!
Delete