I slammed the door and yelled, "out!".  Did I really mean all those words? I was angry for sure there is no question about it.  However, when I slammed the door I slammed more than just a piece of wood; I slammed my heart. SHUT!

Thoughts of you filled my heart as I folded the last load of laundry for the day.  I placed the mismatched socks in the small wooden bowl.  I turned to look outside, when I saw my reflection in the window.  “I wonder if she will be like me?” I’m not sure I want her to be like me if I am completely honest with myself.   

You know, the other woman, who will be in my son’s life before I know what hits me.  I’ve already started thinking about her.  Maybe you have too.  I don’t want her to be like me in a selfish prideful kind of way.  NO. I am so undone, I want better for him.  However, the more I think about it the more I think, “I do want her to be like me”. 

I never want her to feel inferior to me or on the outside.  I never want her to feel inadequate in her love for my son.  NO, quite the opposite I want her to know everything about him and love him still in spite of his flaws.  I want her to love deep, and find beauty in the keeping of fragile vows.

I want her to be like me, because I want her to lose track of time.

I lose track of time.  ALL. THE. TIME.  I like to think I lose track of time not because I am careless, but because I am I’m careful.  Careful of the time I have right now.  Making the most of every opportunity I have with my son. I want her to make memories instead of making never ending to do lists. I want to be full of care for the hearts in my home; not just floors and walls. 

I lose track of time when I build with legos.  A seemingly unimportant thing to lose track of time over, however I believe I’m building much more than zoos and farms.  I am building the inner workings of a heart.  I am building self-confidence with words of affirmation and encouragement. I believe building legos with my son is more about building the structure of his heart than a pretend zoo.  With each new structure we build I empower him to believe in himself, his dreams, his creativity, and his ability to be a visionary.  I lose track of time teaching him that he can do anything he works hard at and puts his mind to.  I want her to lose track of time encouraging him in his wildest dreams, empowering him to believe in himself with her words of affirmation.

I lose track of time at bedtime.  Telling stories, stealing snuggles, sharing secrets, and whispering prayers.  The whole world seems to stop every night; even if it is only for less than an hour.  I need the world to stop.  I need my world to stop.  I need to lose track of time and forget about the less important.  I need to give my full attention to the most important.  Quietly I lay. I listen.  Unafraid he bears his heart.  I want her to lose track of time while she listens with a heart that cares.  I want her to hold him as he reveals his fears, his dreams.  I want her to hear his pleading for a safe place to land arms waiting to embrace him without fear, resentment, or criticism.  I want her to listen first, above anything else, and then I want her to speak gently with love in her voice and grace in her eyes.  I want her to do this, because I know this is truly the only way to his heart.  This is how she will know what he lives for, what makes his heart skip a beat, what causes his eyes to light up in the darkest times.

I lose track of time when we take walks.  I want her to lose track of time holding his hand taking long walks.  I want her to lose track of time as they share jokes and laugh together.  I want their joy and laughter to be a bond of strength.  If you can laugh together, I believe you can stay together.  It isn’t just the holding of hands that keeps marriages together it the laughter and joy of a best friend.

I want her to lose track of time when they are together with friends and family.  I want her to forge a bond with his friends and family.  I want her to enjoy coming home for visits.  I want her to lose track of time swinging on the front porch as she listens to stories of days gone by.  

I want her to value their friends and family.  I want her to welcome others into their lives.  I lose track of time most often when I am with friends and family.

I don’t want my son to lose you to me and I don’t want to lose my son to you.  The only thing I want us to lose is track of time.  I want to lose track of time to the important to each other, to you, to him, and to those who will follow.  Yes I do.  I do want her to be like me.  I want her to lose track of time.  ALL. THE. TIME.


Photo Attribution: www.morguefile.com 

Today is Five Minute FRIDAY, if you have been with me for a while you know what that means!  A party over at Kate's and you are all invited! If you are new here, every Friday I link up with a fabulous group over at Kate's place and we share our thoughts on the given prompt word.  We have five minutes that is it! And GO....

This week's Prompt Word:

HIDE

“Ready or not here I come.”  I am sure many of your post may start with this phrase.  I grew up running, chasing, hiding from many seekers as a child.  There is one seeker in particular I could never quite out run, out hide, or out disguise.  Have you met this master chaser? 

I met him early in my life and why it took me years to figure out I am not as clever as He is beyond me.  I learned something in the last few months Id like to share, quick and to the point. 

“You can NEVER hide from Him only in Him.”

For [as far as this world is concerned] you have died, and your

[new, real] life is hidden with Christ in God.

When Christ, Who is our life, appears, then you also will appear with Him in [the splendor of His] glory.

Colossians 3:3-4

Adam and Eve tried to hide from God, covering themselves with leaves.  He hunted them down, called to them and offered a way for us to be cleansed and hidden in Christ.  I am thankful. I can Hide in Him.  I have NEW. REAL. LIFE. 

I don’t have to hide from Him and cover my shame with my best efforts.  I just have to come running to Him and allow Him to cover me with His grace and His name.

What about you are you hiding from Him?  Won't you answer His call today?  There is new life waiting for you in Christ Jesus.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:

The old has gone, the new is here!”

2 Corinthians 5:17

Read more about my story HERE and how He has redeemed my past. 

“Continue to work out your Salvation with fear and trembling

for it is God who works in you to will and to act

in order to fulfill His good purpose.”

Philippians 2:12-13

Over the last few days, my dear friend Holy Spirit has been gently pricking my heart and spirit with questions.  Questions by nature reveal, truths, hidden secrets, and answers.  Without questions there are no answers.  I admit the last week has been one of renewing my heart and spirit.  I resisted a few of the questions and hesitated to answer some of them.  I contemplated, pondered, meditated, and prayed and in return asked Him questions of my own. 

Forgiveness.  What does that look like lived out in the flesh of mine.  I can say I forgive but beyond the surface, in the depths of my heart do I forgive to the point of action?  Do I or should I take action to restore broken and severed relationships?

I have put the hard truth in, praying for the hard parts of my life to be changed.  Like a hard southern field baked in the heat of the sun, hard as clay, this is what I feel some places of my heart are.  These hard parts, deep parts, are in desperate need for Holy Spirit to come and till the rocky, hard, stony places.  I need Him to come and break up the hard with the hard truth of His Word. 

He in all his goodness came.  He always does.  He always meets me and makes time for me.  I love that about Him.  He brought refreshing rain to soften the areas he has been tirelessly tilling.  He watered the soil of my heart with His tenderness and love.  He came and He tended to the weeds.  Weeds grow exponentially fast, too fast for me to control at times.  Weeds choke out the seeds of His word.  I recently felt the choking of weeds in my life and I asked him to pull those weeds and tend to my heart.  I want this tilling, pulling, tending of, so that I may bear fruit.  Good, sweet, delicious fruit. 

I strive and I strain relentlessly working but He is the Gardner.  Can you imagine how RELIEVED I was when He reminded me, You are a branch grafted in and it is I who keeps you. What a RELIEF.  His Word in my heart this is what bears fruit.  He will remove the pest eating away at the seeds, and the blooming buds.  These pests of unforgiveness, anger, resentment, worry, fear, and doubt.  I know He will be faithful to tend to me, so I reflect the beauty of His hand and His workings.

What about you do you put the hard truth in so that the hard places in your life can be soften and changed into soil that bears much fruit?

Are you relieved that He is the Gardner and He will tend to the weeds?