What's the point of all this pain?

12:25 PM

“The only reason I feel sorry for you is because you don’t have a mom.”  I can hear his voice.  I remember the look on his face.  I was a sixth grader.  Surrounded by new faces.  Their bodies were warm from the blood flowing in their veins, but their words were cold as ice.



Every now and then I will let myself go back to that lunchroom.  Standing at the end of the table, the brunt of silly middle school jokes my eyes began to swell.  I thought to myself, “Never again will I let anyone ‘feel sorry’ for me”. 

It was in that lunchroom where I laid the first brick of defense around my heart.  I promised myself as an eleven year old I would never let anyone else hurt me with his or her cruel jokes and careless words.  I began to ignore all “those kids” and just hide behind a simple smile and hello.  I don’t remember being angry with them just with Him.  The one whom I had been told loved me so much he gave his life for mine.

If he loved me so much, then why?  Why me? What was the purpose of all this pain I was enduring?  The pain of loneliness.  Loss.  Confusion.  Indifference.  I didn’t want to be treated differently just because I didn’t have a mom.  I wanted to be accepted and cared for by others as I did them. 

Life doesn’t always treat us kind or fair.  Siblings don’t always treat us kind or fair.  The same can be said of parents, grandparents, friends, co-workers, fast food employees (unless it’s Chick-fil-a then it is always their “pleasure”) step-parents, coaches and the list goes on.

What do we do then when the very being housing our soul, thoughts, and emotions is damaged to the point of uselessness? I thought I was damaged from hurt so badly I could never “really” be wanted or used.  Have you ever felt this way?  Like the only reason people are nice to you is because they feel sorry for you?  I HATED feeling this way. 

I had no idea broken pieces of my life could be used for such greatness.  His greatness.  He took my frailties and used them for His purposes.  Twenty some years later my answer to you, would be YES.  YES. YES. YES. The pain you have endured can be used for an incredible purpose.  All of the hurt, emptiness, and betrayal you have experienced He can and will use every last drop.  Nothing is wasted.  Your life is not a waste.

I will leave you with a short passage from one of my favorite stories in the Bible.  The story of Joseph, boy oh boy did he ever have some bad days well really years.  Years later this is his response to all the horrific events that had unfolded in his life.

Then Joseph said to his brothers, “Come close to me.” When they had done so, he said, “I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. For two years now there has been famine in the land, and for the next five years there will be no plowing and reaping. But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance.[a] So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God. He made me father to Pharaoh, lord of his entire household and ruler of all Egypt. Now hurry back to my father and say to him, ‘This is what your son Joseph says: God has made me lord of all Egypt. Come down to me; don’t delay. 10 You shall live in the region of Goshen and be near me—you, your children and grandchildren, your flocks and herds, and all you have. 11 I will provide for you there, because five years of famine are still to come. Otherwise you and your household and all who belong to you will become destitute.’ 12 “You can see for yourselves, and so can my brother Benjamin, that it is really I who am speaking to you. 13 Tell my father about all the honor accorded me in Egypt and about everything you have seen. And bring my father down here quickly.”
14 Then he threw his arms around his brother Benjamin and wept, and Benjamin embraced him, weeping. 15 And he kissed all his brothers and wept over them. Afterward his brothers talked with him.
Genesis 45:4-14


I am linking up with some incredible women at two different places today, if you have time swing over and say hello to them.  write31days and my sweet friend Anita's inspire me Monday.






You Might Also Like

12 comments

  1. Thanks so much for your vulnerability in sharing here! Beautiful words!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are most welcome. Thank you for stopping by and sharing such kind and encouraging words it really does mean a lot to me!

      Delete
  2. Singing an old song: \o/ SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL OH SOMETHING GOOD - ALL MY CONFUSION HE UNDERSTOOD. ALL I HAD TO OFFER HIM WAS BROKENNESS AND STRIFE - BUT HE MADE SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL OF MY LIFE. He sure has you! xoxoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Susan I don't know this song but I will look it up tonight before I go to bed, what beautiful lyrics!

      Delete
  3. Beautifully written! I have seen this same truth play out in my life time and again. I wouldn't be the person I am today or be able to minister to broken hurting people without the experiences God allowed in my life (and continues to allow). I pray this really touches someone who needs to hear it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YES and AMEN! One of my favorite verses that I forgot to include is Romans 8:28 He works all things out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

      Delete
  4. I am another testament that the Lord uses our pain and suffering for His good. I share my story of anxiety and depression on my blog for just that reason; so no one feels alone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cherie I know that is sometimes a very hard thing to do, but keep sharing because we are overcomes by the word of our testimony and by the blood of the Lamb!

      Delete
  5. A beautiful post. Thank you for sharing. I am blogging about my journey through the book of Galatians and today's post was about this very thing. Circumstances in our lives causing others to give glory to God. Reading your story, I say "To God be the glory"!!! What a blessing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! YES To God be the Glory forever and ever!!! Thank you for coming over and reading, praying He gives you every word you need for your 31 challenge!!

      Delete
  6. So often we don't filter our words (because we don't know how, because we're careless, because we want someone else to hurt just a little bit). I'm so sorry that you experienced such pain. Thank you for sharing your story--it makes me more aware of what I say.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have been so guilty of not thinking before I spoke. Sometimes it is so hard to hold those words and to speak with love instead of hurt feelings.

      Delete

Triggers Book

31 Days of Writing 2015

31 Days of Writing 2015
A Journey of a Wandering Heart

31 Days of Writing 2014

Five Minute Fridays